we have all been there – our mental health is feeling low and we are looking for a quick fix. food is something we actually have control over in our lives so it feels good to go get a burger and fries or a donut or a sugary drink. but afterwards i always feel way worse mentally and physically! it is because mind body and soul are so connected. i think it is totally healthy and normal to eat what you want when you want it. but I just want to start making mental notes of what makes me feel good all day and what makes me feel even more depressed. overtime you might start listening to your inner voice a little more!
self care for grief – a week in photos :)
self-care tips for a grieving person
how many times have you seen these posts and articles about self care? what draws our generation back to them constantly? even reading about self care can feel like self care. Here are some tips for a person experiencing loss:
–text a friend who you have not spoken to in a while. It is okay to retreat into ourselves but do not come out of this moment in life with less of a support system than before.
–keep your room clean. spend ten minutes every day picking up clutter while listening to peaceful or uplifting music. when your mind is in a dark low place having a zen space is very helpful and healthy 🙂
–spend an evening cooking. watch Netflix or play Spotify and just find enjoyment in this small act that is very human and grounding.
–write in your journal. yes this is one that everyone suggests, but that is because it is cathartic and so very helpful when you cannot say the words out loud.
–home spa night. take a long steamy shower, maybe add an Aura Cacia lavender shower tablet. shave or do a hair mask or anything that feels extra. then return to your clean room and light some candles and do a face mask.
–pull some tarot cards. maybe you are not someone who has ever bought a tarot deck or you think it is a silly fad. maybe it is maybe it isn’t, it is whatever you want it to be. I just have found that pulling tarot cards at home alone is a really nice activity to throw into your self care routines. It encourages introspective mindfulness and just provides another way for you to look at your grief.
–plan a small day trip. have fun doing some research on a cute small town or island or nature hike or beach that you can look forward to all week. Invite a friend or loved one or go alone. take pictures. make memories. stay curious 🙂
–go to a concert or play. when you are grieving it is easy to just disappear from society. it is also easy to forget that there is art and joy alive all around you. go outside of your comfort zone and experience something new. this gives you food for thought that is not just about loss. also art is one of the best common grounds for understanding each other’s pain.
–go see a sunset. it could be just on the roof of your house or from your parked car. or it could be at a beach or city lookout. remembering the big picture can bring the good memories to surface rather than the traumatic ones. something about seeing the sun is incredibly healing and touching. it is okay to cry ❤
Do not let grief define your love life <3
I have faced two major deaths in my life both times with different long term boyfriends. The first death was my mother. She battled cancer for a year and throughout the illness I was in a long distance relationship. I was 22 years old and was naive and slightly immature in my ability to think clearly. I expected my boyfriend to be the answer to my grief, to be my battering ram, to be my anchor on this planet. But ultimately that led to an unhealthy dependence on him that went beyond the normal healthy boundaries of love.
My current boyfriend has been here with me through the death of my father. I lost him to an accident and the nature of this grief is different. But now several years older than before, I have learned from my mistakes. I am better at communicating with him HOW I want his support, and I also have found ways to be more independent in my grieving while actually sharing more of my feelings at the same time. Just remember that they too are going through pain via your own. Do not let this death define your relationship, rather, let it make you stronger!
the open road is heavy healing for loss <3
Does your family fight during times of grieving?
Every family handles grief differently. My personal experience is that grief has both brought my family closer while creating large rifts of long term issues with one another. How each person handles times of immense pain whether it be handling the details of a memorial/funeral or handles selling a house or organizing travel is different. In my opinion you cannot critique someone for how much “someone did” during these impossible times — let us have extra compassion for one another instead of holding everyone to the same standard. Grief has different stages and faces. Some jump into action (even manic action) and get things done while others need to take a back seat and watch from afar. As long as communication is healthy and people find the maturity to empathize with their family members then that is a good base. Do not create a scapegoat for your own anger or grief!
When I grieve I tend to binge eat and shop too much
What are the ways in which your grief shows itself? I become an emotional eater and I try to fix my emotions with buying excessively online whether or not I can really afford it. The first step is to RECOGNIZE your tendencies. Write them down. Acknowledge them. That is a really good first step at understanding what your personal grief is like. How do those actions make you feel? Do you drink and smoke more? Do you socialize less? Just start by being aware of what is happening 🙂
Take a moment to listen and look at nature even in the city.
Today I woke up and decided to take a moment before starting my day — I pulled out my meditation pillow and sat in front of an open door with a view of the tree tops. I am not experienced in meditation although I have always wanted to learn how to “calm my mind”. I just took deep breaths in and out and listened to the trees. The anxiety within me could be felt with some of my breaths and I embraced that feeling — realizing that sometimes you have to experience it fully to release it rather than suppress it and suffer later. I am grateful for this small moment of peace and understanding. Go easy on yourself but also challenge yourself to CREATE moments like this actively. They do not just happen. ❤
do yourself a favor and create alone time while you are grieving.
One interesting part of losing my father in an accident was that suddenly everyone was always around, always texting me, trying to call. I realized after a while that I was fulfilling these interactions to make them feel at ease about how their good friend (me) was doing. BUT now that it has been some time and after the loss of both parents I am realizing how important it is to make space for JUST YOU. Go on a walk alone even if it is only for a little bit. Go on a drive to the beach or somewhere that fills you with adventure. Also, consider when you book your next trip whether it is a short weekend getaway or a trip across the globe what it would be like to do it SOLO? Make sure to fully be yourself once in a while 🙂
Thoughts About Loss 