grief is a bumpy road

sometimes I wake up and feel totally fine. I am not crushed or paralyzed by anxiety or sadness, rather I feel incredibly productive and happy. Often I feel good. But then I will see something on instagram, someone’s post about loss, or I will watch a tv show and someone dies, or a song comes on my Spotify that takes me to that hard place and I totally crumble inside. It is this unpredictability that makes loss a bumpy road. It is this unpredictability that makes it hard for my partner to know where I am at emotionally from moment to moment. Just remember it is OK to be emotionally turbulent. It is just part of the process.

a picture of trees seems like the appropriate place to start talking about loss because they hold so much mystery– which is what loss has made me– a mystery to my own self, one that I will never stop attempting to solve <3

Taken in the hills of Humboldt County 2018 before the death of my father. I remember traveling through Northern California remembering my late mother and our trips we went on as a family to the redwoods. It is worth it to look back on the past and remember good times.